He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
