the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I understand Curling. That high.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
