Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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