You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
