i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
