I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
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I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
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I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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