He felt like a one man threesome
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
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She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
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I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone