You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room