There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?