I love black thongs
We named our party play list daddy issues
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.