So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
