I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok