PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
