it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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