How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
