can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
