I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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