You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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