mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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