I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Operation Purity has been aborted
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
