guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize