Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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