How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
