I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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