Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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