So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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