I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
