You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
