The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
