I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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