Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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