We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
