garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
