she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She announced her abortion via fbk
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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