I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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