Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
