Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
