girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
