Sponge bath it is.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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