Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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