Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
