I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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