I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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