BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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