did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
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I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
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the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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