Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
