Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
