Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize