East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
