If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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