Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Drunk is not a location!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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