I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
this hospital has no fireball
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
