; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
