So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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