My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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