Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
