im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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