when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
