The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
