well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
