I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
