Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
