It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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