so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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