so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
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I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
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I fill condoms, not promises.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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