so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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