took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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