brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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