You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
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You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
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He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
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