I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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