We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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