Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
