Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
