anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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