I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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