i think my tv is drunk
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just googled if crying burns calories
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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