Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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