He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
