You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
