she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
