wanna go halves on a baby?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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