i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
