Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
