dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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