Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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