I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
